love.

I. Love. Him. Have I ever mentioned that before??? It's just amazing to me that after being with Drew for 6 years that he can kiss me and I still get butterflies in my stomach. I remember our first date, when he took me to Singers and Songwriters at BYUI and he brought index cards and pens for us to rate each performer. Then we got ice cream at Dairy Queen. No kissing though- it took Drew A WHILE to do that. It actually took him A WHILE just to hold my hand. We were watching the Keira Knightley "Pride and Prejudice" at the dollar theatre with Sarah, Maria and their dates- they all were watching us the whole time and silently cheered when it finally happend. Seeing that he was 25 and that I was his first girlfriend though, I guess it's understandable. I remember asking him after we were engaged "Why haven't you ever had a girlfriend before??" and he replied, "There was never anyone I wanted to date until I met you." I mean, could he be any cuter/better??? Nope. That first time we bumped into each other between classes on campus in my first week back at school and bonded for a few minutes over Project Runway was fate. I would take that route EVERY DAY in hopes of running into him, even after he switched classes mid-semester and wasn't there anymore. And our wedding day. I remember being sooooooo happy at the Temple. It was such an..... incredible feeling to look at Drew and hear the words being said and knowing that we'd be together forever. I remember hugging my daddy after walking out of the sealing room and just crying- it's a very sad and exciting and scary and sentimental and overwhelming and happy feeling to give your dad that "good-bye" hug as his responsibility for you is transferred to your new husband. It's so conflicting and weird and there's such a sense of the unknown and leaving behind what you've had your whole life and embarking on a new and wonderful adventure. I remember my cheeks in soooo much pain at the reception from smiling too much- for pictures, for guests, and for pure joy. I remember collapsing next to my sweet grandpa at 10 (it was supposed to end at 9) and my sweet sisters and friends brought me a huge plate of pesto and some cake. Drew carried me out to our car (which looked horrible- condom balloons- our brothers are classy) and my cousin threw a handful of rose petals directly in my face. I remember going to our hotel room that Drew had snuck off to earlier in the day and put rose petals and candles everywhere. Five years later and he still is by far the handsomest man I've ever seen. My heart still beats faster when I get a text from him or when he kisses me. He still makes me laugh all. the. time. We have two gorgeous, darling children that are my everything. I. Love. Him.

Cured.

A week ago I had a recital. It was wooooonderful. I loved every second of performing. I can't help it, it's in my blood and my soul. I just don't think there's a better way to communicate and express yourself and bring yourself and others to another level spiritually than through music and dance. I remember when I wasn't singing or dancing for awhile whilst at BYU and while having babies; I'd hear opera just at a restaurant or on the radio, or I'd watch a ballet and I would literally get an aching in my heart. A very intense longing and pain that there was this world of beauty, of music and art and everything wonderful and lovely and I wasn't a part of it. I sometimes even cried it hurt so bad. Now that I'm singing, dancing and performing again I feel more whole, and I gotta say- it feels pretty great.

Thanks to Zach, Muriel, Ed, and Claudia for making it possible- I love you all and what you do. :)